ferri
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
hello.
its me.
sometimes you come to a point in ur life
where u think
WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?
what u've been doing for the past 6 yrs
suddenly doesnt make sense.
none of it.
you used to work to achieve towards something.
but now the hey days are gone
and u feel empty.
you wonder when u will get out of this blackhole.
will you ever?
i've stopped hoping for a miracle
for a show of skill
for a show of talent.
and what i thought was real and was exciting
and what was fun is not anymore.
it becomes a chore.
a pain in the ass.
in the butt.
in the heart.
when you're heart's not in it anymore
you no there is no point
i havent accomplished anything great in the past 6 yrs.
i used to say "my one and only passion."
that was it.
nothing else.
i didnt wanna do anything else.
i made so many sacrifices for it.
but i feel now..nothing has returned.
nothing given back to me that i can be proud of.
i was a lousy captain.
a lousy player
and will always remain
as just a pointless dot in the history
of a sport that i once loved more than life itself.
there are so many questions banging in my head
so many guilt feelings
so many concerns
and thoughts about the feelings of others.
but at the end of the day.
only my feelings matter.
not any of the others out there.
when do i hand in my resignation letter?
is it even time yet.
maybe those times where i joked abt it..
its true-"i'm too old for this sport."
oh well.
more to mull over tmr.
tonite this is it.
this is it.
--insignificant lies--
9:39 pm